I have a new MC challenge, or a new Mantra, I’m taking on full force. I’ll get to that in a little while.
Firstly, the challenges, oh I’ve had a few… every day …I never downplay my circumstances either. (Um that’s sarcasm, just incase I wasn’t clear, I’ll directly say that truth!)
However, I’m choosing to remain positive. I fail to do this all the time, yet, I still try to remember. Being positive doesn’t mean I forget the shit in my life. Nor does it mean I see life through rose-colored glasses. It simply means, I relented and am resting in positivity, knowing My God has my Back AT ALL TIMES! SO FEAR CAN FUCK OFF!
DO I REMEMBER THIS ALL THE TIME? FUCK NO!
DO I GET DEPRESSED AND HURT SO MUCH SO THAT TEARS ESCAPE MY EYES, AND EXHAUSTION HUMBLES ME TO MY BED? Yep, all the time.
However, it’s not by how often we fail, it’s by how much we choose to dust off our body, look up, and rest in Truth, then choose to arise again. Full of Hope! Full of Grace! Full of Trust! Full of Love! Full of Peace! Full of Joy! Full of Mercy! Living the Dreams God placed in our body when he created us! Letting go of pseudo-control, and steadfastly clinging to my Creator, who’s my rock, and my guide, and my healer! The Trinune: God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit! Only in Him is my true Freedom!
I realize this is truly more of ramblings about my existence at this point in time, yet, that’s a Good thing! I have gained two new parts of my identity..not so much gained, but they finally felt safe enough to open up to me. Trust (originally Pain), and Dreamer (originally Sacrifice). Which Sacrifice means (Suffering, Shame, Saved). I still have a lot to understand and learn from my newest parts, however Dreamer, is my dream keeper. All dreams! Dreamer also knows Dreams are good, God created our dreams. God allows us to understand parts of ourselves through dreams. So no matter how good or scary, Dreamer please, keep the dreams alive! Trust, truly I’m not fully sure what all Trust holds other than body memories and a lot of em!
Anger is a HEALTHY human emotion that needs expressed in HEALTHY ways!
Why this Mantra, because last week at my MC session, we realized (with the internal parts of me all working together), some truths about why anger is SO SCARY AND WHY I INSTANTLY FREEZE OR FIGHT WHEN I SEE ANGER! Why I’m so hypervigilant toward possible anger, and why I’ve yet, to really fully become angry about my childhood abuses committed against me. Yet, just saying that is difficult enough! Almost impossible, in fact it used to be impossible, for me to say abuse when I’d talk about myself. So I’m getting there slowly, but I’m getting there.
So tonight, as I submit, or post this blog, to try to sleep, I conclude with these truths:
Jesus loves me, just because I exist! Jesus forgives me, and my Father, our God and Creator, sees me through the cleansing power of Jesus blood, and the Holy Spirit lives in me….that’s true Freedom! And my identity in Christ is this…Beautifully Brave!
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NET)