Parts of me

The parts of me I know: *EZE (formed from E (li) Z (ab) E (th)* *lo^ə (from fear which came out of LPL)* *liv* *trust (formerly pain)* *Dreamer (formerly sacrifice)* *liv* *Joy (formerly ultra)* *Peace (formerly hidden)* *M3rci* *lovies (formerly sex parts)* *LPL* *little lizzy* *Gr@c3 (formerly two parts Venus and R3b3l  (covered by grace))* *MomyE* *Worker Bee* *Hope (formerly scrambled eggs, and originally Scribe)* *Logic Liz* work together to form Beautifully Brave (BB) (my system) and each identity has a fucking purpose for existence.

EZE, Lo^ə, Trust, Dreamer, liv, M3rci, Lovies, little lizzy are all littles from ages three to seven

LPL – who is one of my main protectors and holds a lot of control of my emotions.  She is embarrassed to share her physical age (young)

Joy – is another young protector along with Peace – these two… protect me during s*xually abuses

Gr@c3 – another protector in her teens, very angry, very rebellious, and protective *UPDATE – 04/14/2017* – grace was never a teen she came from rebel, and is actually very innocent, sweet and very articulate.

MomyE – a mommy ..always wanted to be a mommy, six years old, tries to help be a mommy in real life to own kids, never wants anyone to be hurt ever

Worker Bee – my knowledge of so many things especially related to work

Hope – my wisdom retainer and sharer with all parts who will listen

Logic Liz that’s me.  I suppose it’s me. Sometimes I don’t know.

These parts form my system of BB.

I daily struggle with believing I’m not lying because it’s so illogical, however, it has to be truth.  Truly it makes sense of how I’ve felt all my life, in glimpses at least.

I never knew why I’ve always felt so different, as in I could never grasp why I felt the intense fears I have for as long as I remember and why I’ve never trusted men… it makes sense now!

I struggle to accept that what happened to me wasn’t my fault.  Wasn’t something I deserved. Nor was it something I asked for.  I did NOTHING to deserve the horrendous abuses committed to me when I was a child.  Nor a teen. Nor an adult. None of it did I deserve.  None of it did I cause.  I’m still learning to really accept that but Hope can write it, and she means it, and knows it’s true!!

My journey is difficult right now.  The intense pain humbles, me in ways I cannot handle on my own.  That’s the greatest and most fucked up part of my life… people who hurt me were leaders of a church I grew up in…and now the people who help me, who push me to truth..to a relationship with God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit are helping me find my voice, my purpose, my reason for existing.  It’s not really about me,  it’s about God’s path, He has for me to find and follow.

Life is not easy.  But with The Holy Spirit in me, my amazing Mentoring Counselor, my friends, my awesome hubby, and my Savior Jesus, and Creator God, I will not only get through this life, but arise a changed, and healed Beautifully Brave Mosaic.

What evil intended to use to destroy me, will only create strength and wisdom and courage and grace within me.  Some days like this moment are easier than others.  But all are better with relationship!!!
Be blessed and enjoy this day our Great Lord has made!

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