My journey of BEing Beautifully Brave,continues

Everyone’s life is full of good, bad, and even traumatic experiences.  We are human, we live in a broken world, and we are hurting people, who do hurt people. From our beginning journey in this world, each moment created wires to allow us to interact with the world. If a moment is traumatic it creates a wire. If a moment is good it creates a wire.  All moments create wires.  These wires from our past have crossroads or filters allowing all humans to quickly arrive at an answer to the situation presented (to increase the speed of how we interact with the world).

When a present experience flows through a wire from a traumatic experience, we arrive at the crossroad. If we are in a safe space with a safe person, our present experience is not really our past. So how the FUCK can we learn to change our crossroad or filter? The answer is a word – Process.  And that process is “fucking hard as HELL” (to use some terms personalized for me in my therapy by my amazing MC).  We have these filters to help us interact with the world, when our filters are shown to be inaccurate, chaos results.

Chaos has a name – cognitive dissonance.

The process to rewire the filter tears us apart.

It destroys lies from the past meant to kill and destroy us.

On an even more personal note, being a survivor from past wiring through our traumas created a filter system of survival by dissociation. In other words, my “self” created identities to survive the hell, “self” endured.  These identities LONG for truth, yet their very existence arose to protect the “self” and anything that “tips the balance” creates havoc in the inner world, of any dissociative person (actually, ANY person).

How can one who dissociates allow rewiring to occur, when it goes against the very nature of our survival?

The answer is something I FUCKING HATE TO HEAR in counseling – “it is a process not an event!”

Fuck

Seriously??

The past needs PROCESSed in order to heal!?!

But WHY??

Is what we cry at the injustice of creating chaos in what we believed to be a finely tuned life of living…

However, if we are truly honest and view cognitive dissonance as good – (in this context) then, the PROCESS of our healing journey continues.

 

 

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